Guest Post: All I Needed to Know About Men, I Learned in Kindergarten


All I Needed to Know About Boys Men I Learned in Kindergarten
– {from author Trisha R. Thomas}

…Or more like Pre-school. Let’s just say I was about four years old. There was this cute little kid, me, who had eyes for this other cute kid, Wayne. Yes, I still remember his name. We were at the same school at the Baptist church, but not the same class. So I had to wait till playtime to see him. Across the sand box, swings, and crowded slides, my focus was on Wayne and his perfect afro. I hated when he talked to other girls, though I never talked to him myself. He dressed so cute with his short sleeve shirts tucked into his high belted pants. The truth is, he wasn’t all that cute, but for some reason, I’d picked him. I didn’t understand the invisible law of attraction. All that would come later, when I kept picking boys that were unavailable.

After watching Wayne for days, weeks, maybe months—children aren’t big supporters of keeping track of time. All I knew was that my mom had gotten a new job and wouldn’t need me to come to the church during the day anymore. In other words, it was now or never. I got my nerve up and told Wayne that I liked him. The rest of the conversation has gone the way of bad memory. What I do remember was my mother coming to pick me up at the end of the day and finding me chasing Wayne around the grass for a kiss. I could hear my mother yelling over the giggling children. But I was determined. Hyper speed, chasing. I wasn’t giving up. Good thing I had long legs. I caught him. I wrapped my equally long arms around his head, sort of head-lock style and gave him a kiss on his cheek while he squirmed.

Mission accomplished.

“Okay, I’m ready now.” I went to the car willingly and feeling quite proud of myself. My mother, however, was shocked and embarrassed, and speechless. Only later that evening listening to her recount the events to my aunt on the phone did I realize what a fool I’d made of myself. Chasing a boy, in public, for goodness sake. Didn’t I know all the chasing should be done discreetly?

Didn’t I know boys liked to do the chasing? Being the pursuer only led to disappointment, no matter how long your legs were. You could never win. But who listens to their mother? I was going to prove that all you had to do was be vigilant, determined, and focused. Achievement came by perseverance. Like clockwork I always set my sights on the athletic dreamboat. He of course had no shortage of attention from other girls. But there was always the one girl who appeared not to know he existed. ‘The girl’ who managed to snag the boy everyone else wanted without seemingly any effort at all. But how? She hadn’t written any notes pledging her undying love and slipping them under his car windshield. She hadn’t bothered giving up her homemade chocolate chip cookies at lunchtime, knowing she’d actually brought them for him anyway. ‘The girl’ would get her man without the heavy lifting.

The mystery as to this amazing feat continues to elude the masses. Evidence of the fact that a multitude new books are written every year written by self-professed love doctors who know how to take advantage of a situation. What a woman needs to do to find and keep a man in ten easy steps…geezzzzus. What they leave out is that they have no idea what it is that finally captured their heart and mind, (if ever). What they do know is what women have done previously to try to get their attention and failed. So why don’t they just say that? Admit that there is nothing a woman can do to wield a man into their lives for keeps. There is no itinerary of steps for pursuit and conquer. I may not know all the answers but I learned a valuable truth that day in the schoolyard. No one likes to be pursued. Let’s face it, that’s fun for about ten minutes and then it gets creepy. No one wants to be the criteria of a list either. You can make the list, just don’t tell anyone about it.

The easiest way to understand what I learned that day was physics. When you push on something it will either be knocked off balance, move away, or not budge at all. It is impossible to push on something and draw it closer.

Years later when Rhonda Byrne derived her book, The Secret, based on the energy of the universe, I could see her point. The stories and essays list over and over how you must see your truth and believe it has already arrived. For example, saying to yourself, “I am going to make him want me,” is basically the truth. You’re going to spend an excessive amount of time trying to make someone want you. When what you meant was, “I am everything he wants, right here, right now.” You can almost feel the veil lift instantly.

The mystery will keep garnering new books and new love gurus, no doubt. But trust me when I tell you ‘the girl’ who got the guy seemingly with no effort had already assumed her rightful place by his side, discreetly in the silence of her own mind. No pressure, no pushing, no manipulating. Putting her trust in the energy and workings of the universe God built. Now put a smile on your face and take a deep breath. Your work is done.

Trisha R. Thomas speaks to the impossible beauty standards set for young girls, following them into adulthood, and how it continually affects their lives as women. She’s been a guest analyst on CNN’s Paula Zahn and Headline News. Her sixth novel in the Un-Nappily series, Un-Nappily In Love, continues with the spirited character, Venus Johnston, who bucks the status quo and starts living for the beauty within herself, instead of what’s on the outside. Trisha’s debut novel Nappily Ever After will soon be a film starring Oscar winner Halle Berry. Publisher’s Weekly offers praise for her series, “…it’s her wry humor that keeps this delightful series blooming.”

You can follow Trisha on Twitter @Nappily4ever

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